What is Taaruf?

Assalamualaikum,,

Hi brothers and sisters,, this post is still related to the last one about married.

I'll give you a trivia fact. I've never been dating or have a boyfriend until 22 years now. What? yes,, because i'm not looking for a boyfriend but more to a husband and there's another way which is halal to find your other half beside dating..

"And we have created you in pairs (male and female,, tall and short,, etc)" surah An'Naba verse 8

"And among His Signs is this, that He created for you wives from among yourselves, that you may find repose in them, and He has put between you affection and mercy. Verily, in that are indeed signs for a people who reflect." surah A-Rum verse 21

It's called taaruf. A little disclaimer,, i can't find a reference about this matter in english.So i will translate it from indonesian. So i'm sorry if i can't explain it in detail.

Taaruf according to urdu language means introduction and in arab language means get to know each other.

Okay,, so now at least we get the picture of what are we gonna talk today.

So instead of dating,, rasulullah suggest taaruf to find you other.

Okay,, now i'm kinda losing my point. (focus kanya,, focus!)

The process:

1. When you think you are ready to get married,, you can start taaruf with either a man/woman that your relatives choose or the one that you choose.
2. Men usually the one who comes to women house to do taaruf (introduction or get to know),, he can come alone or with his relatives.
3. The women must be accompanied by her relatives. So there are 3 or more people in that house.
4. It's suggested that the man and woman meet face to face instead of sending picture,, etc. Because face is not aurat.
5. Both of them can ask each other any question,, it's also suggested that you ask a very detailed and personal things so you can really know them well,, you can also ask their relatives.
6. After you do taaruf you don't have to get married right way. If you feel not comfortable because of one or two things about him/her,, you can just stop right there.
7. But when he/she suits you it's suggested to doing khitbah or propose as soon as possible.

The difference between taaruf and dating: i will make a metaphor for this one.

Imagin pick a woman or a man as your spouse is like buying a second car. Why a second car,, because we are human,, we're complicated. A brand new car is not as complicated as second car right? You don't know what happened to the car for the past years. Okay...

• In dating: Is like buying a second car without examine it throughly. We just look at the body wheter there's a dent or not. Touch it to look make sure it's scratch free. We don't even doing test drive to get the hang of it.
• In taaruf: Also like buying a second car but we are a professional mechanic. We examine the navigation system,, break system,, lamp,, handling,, etc. When it suits you than you can move forward.

The purpose:

• To get to know each other in a halal and the best way.

The advantages:

• You can know about him/her throughly and honestly in a short period of time.
• Did i say there's a bonus? you can get to know their family as well!

What if the one that i like don't want to do taaruf? it's easy,, he/she doesn't meant for you. LIke what Allah promise us..

"Women impure are for men impure, and men impure for women impure and women of purity are for men of purity, and men of purity are for women of purity: these are not affected by what people say: for them there is forgiveness, and a provision honourable."surah An-Nur verse 26

Kanya! How can we now that we suit each other by just that short period of time? easy,, that's why in taaruf you have to ask a very detailed and personal matters. In fact it's not about the quantity but the quality right?

When a man know what he can or can't do according to quran as a husband,, and a woman know what she can or can't do according to qur'an,, what could go wrong? huh? huh? ^_^

Why should make something so easy and hassle free become so hard and full of risk?

ask yourself