What is Taaruf?

Assalamualaikum,,

Hi brothers and sisters,, this post is still related to the last one about married.

I'll give you a trivia fact. I've never been dating or have a boyfriend until 22 years now. What? yes,, because i'm not looking for a boyfriend but more to a husband and there's another way which is halal to find your other half beside dating..

"And we have created you in pairs (male and female,, tall and short,, etc)" surah An'Naba verse 8

"And among His Signs is this, that He created for you wives from among yourselves, that you may find repose in them, and He has put between you affection and mercy. Verily, in that are indeed signs for a people who reflect." surah A-Rum verse 21

It's called taaruf. A little disclaimer,, i can't find a reference about this matter in english.So i will translate it from indonesian. So i'm sorry if i can't explain it in detail.

Taaruf according to urdu language means introduction and in arab language means get to know each other.

Okay,, so now at least we get the picture of what are we gonna talk today.

So instead of dating,, rasulullah suggest taaruf to find you other.

Okay,, now i'm kinda losing my point. (focus kanya,, focus!)

The process:

1. When you think you are ready to get married,, you can start taaruf with either a man/woman that your relatives choose or the one that you choose.
2. Men usually the one who comes to women house to do taaruf (introduction or get to know),, he can come alone or with his relatives.
3. The women must be accompanied by her relatives. So there are 3 or more people in that house.
4. It's suggested that the man and woman meet face to face instead of sending picture,, etc. Because face is not aurat.
5. Both of them can ask each other any question,, it's also suggested that you ask a very detailed and personal things so you can really know them well,, you can also ask their relatives.
6. After you do taaruf you don't have to get married right way. If you feel not comfortable because of one or two things about him/her,, you can just stop right there.
7. But when he/she suits you it's suggested to doing khitbah or propose as soon as possible.

The difference between taaruf and dating: i will make a metaphor for this one.

Imagin pick a woman or a man as your spouse is like buying a second car. Why a second car,, because we are human,, we're complicated. A brand new car is not as complicated as second car right? You don't know what happened to the car for the past years. Okay...

• In dating: Is like buying a second car without examine it throughly. We just look at the body wheter there's a dent or not. Touch it to look make sure it's scratch free. We don't even doing test drive to get the hang of it.
• In taaruf: Also like buying a second car but we are a professional mechanic. We examine the navigation system,, break system,, lamp,, handling,, etc. When it suits you than you can move forward.

The purpose:

• To get to know each other in a halal and the best way.

The advantages:

• You can know about him/her throughly and honestly in a short period of time.
• Did i say there's a bonus? you can get to know their family as well!

What if the one that i like don't want to do taaruf? it's easy,, he/she doesn't meant for you. LIke what Allah promise us..

"Women impure are for men impure, and men impure for women impure and women of purity are for men of purity, and men of purity are for women of purity: these are not affected by what people say: for them there is forgiveness, and a provision honourable."surah An-Nur verse 26

Kanya! How can we now that we suit each other by just that short period of time? easy,, that's why in taaruf you have to ask a very detailed and personal matters. In fact it's not about the quantity but the quality right?

When a man know what he can or can't do according to quran as a husband,, and a woman know what she can or can't do according to qur'an,, what could go wrong? huh? huh? ^_^

Why should make something so easy and hassle free become so hard and full of risk?

ask yourself

Marry The One You Love or Love The One You Marry?

Assalamualaikum,,

Hi brothers and sisters.. Let me ask you a question.

would you marry someone you love or love someone you marry? (A tricky question,, huh??)

Okay,, now let's analyze it one by one..

Marry someone you love... Well,, this one is obvious and practiced by everyone since the ice age.. The process will be,, you meet someone - getting know each other - you feel the "click" - ready to settle down - and last getting married...

Next step,, we will note the good and the bad using this method. There must be two sides of every coin rite? (i'll only write the most common thing)

The good thing:

• You won't get the wrong person will you... ("Duh! Kanya,, we've been dating like forever! What could go wrong?" Putting their so-in-love-face on)

The bad thing:

• After you get married okay let say for 8 weeks,, you've got divorce while you've been dating for 8 years ("i don't think that he/she is not revealing his/her true identity while we were dating. After we got married i feel like i don't know him/her anymore") this may sound unbelievable but this is a true story,, the worst case scenario.
• Especially for us muslim,, we do so many haram thing. Maybe i'm not the right person to talk about halal and haram. But we all know that the only halal thing in islam to find your other half is by ta'aruf. Which insya Allah i'll write about it later on.
• Especially for us muslim,, it can polluted *i can't finf another term for this* our intention for married not because of Allah,, but more to because you love him/her.

The conclusion if the first method is,, even for the good thing we don't have more than 50% guarantee that it'll work. I know some of them may succeed,, good for them but we have to prepare for the failure right?

For the bad thing,, what could we possible loss? Maybe ONLY 8 years wasting our time to know about this one person and one person only that turns out nothing and only Allah's know how much sins we've commit.

*one trivia question.. What if we love him/her so much all this years but we can't marry them because of one or more reason? would it be devastating?

Move to the second method..

Love someone you marry... This is hard,, really hard.. I don't think i could do it myself,, but if it's for the best i'll try. Maybe this is unthinkable for non-muslim,, but not for them who has this kind of tradition. The process will be your usually your parents will choose someone - getting to know each other (maybe just for a bit) - and then get married... scary huh?

Like usual,, we'll analyze the good and the bad...

The good thing:

• Your family know him/her very well (since it's still your long relatives or your parents best friend's child,, etc).
• When we had fight and argument we tend to solve it because some of us will think again about what happen to our both parents (sounds so selfish right? but i know someone who can survive based on this reason).
• Especially for us muslim,, our intention of married will insya Allah be pure Lillahi ta'ala
• Especially for us muslim,, we don't commit any sins for this process if we do the right way of ta'aruf.

The bad thing:

• You don't know the person really well. But what kind of parents that want their kids marry to someone who's not best for us. (of course we talked about normal case not the one who marrying their children because of money)
• Especially for us muslim,, insya Allah there's nothing bad about this method if we do the right way of ta'aruf.

What you could possibly loss? Okay the worst case scenario if your husband/wife is kinda "wrong" at least you don't have to find out about it for 8 years. Maybe someone said taht you can't force love,, but what's not to love from a caring,, patient,, loving,, and responsible husband or wife. If it's all about beauty,, would you rather choose a beautiful person with "wrong" attitude or the other way around?

*one trivia fact,, you won't get hurt for cannot marry him/her for one or two reason (if you don't have one of course). Especially for us muslim,, Allah has create our other half even before we were born. So when we use the right way insya Allah he/she is the best for us accourding to Allah not us.

So why a lot of people still do the method that qur'an forbid you to do?

ask yourself

Even For Just One Ayat

Rasulullah SAW (Peace be Upon Him) once said "Spread my meassage even if its one ayat..."

Assalamualaikum,,

Hi brothers and sisters,, do you ever have a friend who hesitate to teach you about something you don't understand or share their knowledge to other people?

If the answer is not,, then alhamdulillah...

If yes,, i know how y'all feel. But before i continue rambling i have to tell you that by this post,, i don't mean to disgrace anyone or talking about someone else's flaw. I 'm just trying to tell the truth which i didn't get a chance back then.

Okay here's the fact,, I'm not a bright student back in high school and junior high. My brain always stop workin on me when it comes to chemist,, math and physic.

But,, there will always this smart-smart people who can just flick their finger to finish the above subject's question. They make it like soooo easy (okay,, good for them). The problem occurs when it comes to teach others and share what they know,, their method,, etc

We (the not-so-bright student) will always have a conversation like this,,

We:"Hey bro/sis Assalamualaikum (yes,, sometimes they are muslim) i don't really know about this stuff can you teach me?"

Them:"uhm,, okay. Which part that you don't understand?"

We:"This and that."

Them:"This?? (shocking face: on) it's just an easy peasy question. Do it like this with this formula,, bzzzzzttttt zzzzzzzkkkkkk (i'm trying to make a week cell phone signal in case you are wondering) *it's because i don't know what they're talking about they explain it so fast and seem doesn't care wheter I understand it or not* aaandd done!!"

We:"uhm,, okaaay... But how can you get this result?"

Them:"Because that's how it's done." (put their annoyed face on in case we'll ask that question again)

The worst case,, some of them even pretend not knowing the solution of that question jusssst because they want to be the best student in the class.. Jooooke! (i'm not making a subjective judgement here,, but my friends also feel the same way...

I don't know what's on their mind, hasitating to share just a little bit of their knowledge. Maybe they think that it's just a waste of time to teach us (which obviously the chapter that they master very well). But repeating and explaining to someone about chapter that you understand,, for me is not a waste of time at all. It's even make you understand it deeper and in detail.

And things that we have to remember is especially us as a muslim,, the smart people doesn't always be the one who teach the less-smart a lesson. If you are sincere and genuine,, InsyaAllah this less-smart people will teach you something that you don't know and don't even think about it someway. Like psychologist said to learn from a child about their innocent,, sincere,, etc.

Allah is Al-Adl remember?

If Allah Al-Alim (The Knower of All) can gives us a knowledge when we ask for it,, why we are as sinful human can't?

ask yourself

There's No Such Thing As Coincidence

Asssalamualaikum,,

Hi brothers and sisters... Have you ever stumbled upon a conversation like this?

"What a coincidence that I meet you here..." or

"We wear the same clothes! What a coincidence" etc

But is it really a coincidence?? Okay,, let's think about it again.

For the 1st example,, even though we live in a small town or city but still there are a lot of places to go,, yet we go to an exactly same place as them (what a small world afterall). What makes us *that moment* have a same thought as them?

The 2nd one,, we have more than 10 clothes in the closet right? (some girls even have much more than that *wink*). But why when we choose our clothes to wear *that moment* we choose the exact same clothes as them?

Sometimes it doesn't make sense right? It is,, because it's not a coincidence after all. If we re-think about this thing,, it all happened because Allah had arrange it for us,, Allah want it to be happened to a person,, in that moment and in that place..

Even some scientist try to prove about this "coincidence things" too. Like when we roll a rock,, it will eventually stop after sometime and somewhere. It's not a coincidence too init? It all have something to do with the rock's weight,, gravity,, speed,, etc..

See? You know what i'm saying? (sorry i'm not too good at describing things)

When we keep thinking deep about this small matter,, we'll know that it's not that small after all. Everything in this what we called "coincidence" proses is much more complicated. This is one of many many proof that Allah is Al-Mutakabbir (The Greatest) and Al-Khaliq (The Creator). How can Allah make something that so complex and complicated,, happened just right in front off our eyes. Allahu Akbar!

But we can't always explain something in detail like example in above,, there's time when we just have to accept and believe that it happen because Allah want it to be happen. Because we don't have the knowledge to understand it,, Allah's knowledge is so huge and so hard for us a human being to understand it. Our brain capacity is too small to absorb all.

It's called faith. Faith took a big role when we just can't understand or describe something that we don't no,, or do not know yet. So never lose it.. May Allah yaa Wahhab gives us a knowledge to understand things and guide us all to Truth and the straight path.. Amin..

Now,, after we know that we know only a dust of Allah's knowledge why we still arrogant and feel superior?

ask yourself

beautiful poem

What do you see
when you look at me
Do you see someone limited,
or someone free


All some people can do is just look and stare
Simply because they can't see my hair

Others think I am controlled and uneducated
They think that I am limited and un-liberated

They are so thankful that they are not me
Because they would like to remain 'free'

Well free isn't exactly the word I would've used
Describing women who are cheated on and abused


They think that I do not have opinions or voice
They think that being hooded isn't my choice

They think that the hood makes me look caged
That my husband or dad are totally outraged

All they can do is look at me in fear
And in my eye there is a tear


Not because I have been stared at or made fun of
But because people are ignoring the one up above

On the day of judgment they will be the fools
Because they were too ashamed to play by their own rules

Maybe the guys won't think I am a cutie
But at least I am filled with more inner beauty

See I have declined from being a guy's toy
Because I won't let myself be controlled by a boy

Real men are able to appreciate my mind
And aren't busy looking at my behind

Hooded girls are the ones really helping the muslim cause
The role that we play definitely deserves applause

I will be recognized because I am smart and bright
And because some people are inspired by my sight

The smart ones are attracted by my tranquility
In the back of their mind they wish they were me

We have the strength to do what we think is right
Even if it means putting up a life long fight

You see we are not controlled by a mini skirt and tight shirt
We are given only respect, and never treated like dirt

So you see, we are the ones that are free and liberated
We are not the ones that are sexually terrorized and violated

We are the ones that are free and pure
We're free of STD's that have no cure

So when people ask you how you feel about the hood