Hi brothers and sisters.. Let me ask you a question.
would you marry someone you love or love someone you marry? (A tricky question,, huh??)Okay,, now let's analyze it one by one..
Marry someone you love... Well,, this one is obvious and practiced by everyone since the ice age.. The process will be,, you meet someone - getting know each other - you feel the "click" - ready to settle down - and last getting married...
Next step,, we will note the good and the bad using this method. There must be two sides of every coin rite? (i'll only write the most common thing)
The good thing:
- You won't get the wrong person will you... ("Duh! Kanya,, we've been dating like forever! What could go wrong?" Putting their so-in-love-face on)
The bad thing:
- After you get married okay let say for 8 weeks,, you've got divorce while you've been dating for 8 years ("i don't think that he/she is not revealing his/her true identity while we were dating. After we got married i feel like i don't know him/her anymore") this may sound unbelievable but this is a true story,, the worst case scenario.
- Especially for us muslim,, we do so many haram thing. Maybe i'm not the right person to talk about halal and haram. But we all know that the only halal thing in islam to find your other half is by ta'aruf. Which insya Allah i'll write about it later on.
- Especially for us muslim,, it can polluted *i can't finf another term for this* our intention for married not because of Allah,, but more to because you love him/her.
For the bad thing,, what could we possible loss? Maybe ONLY 8 years wasting our time to know about this one person and one person only that turns out nothing and only Allah's know how much sins we've commit.
*one trivia question.. What if we love him/her so much all this years but we can't marry them because of one or more reason? would it be devastating?
Move to the second method..
Love someone you marry... This is hard,, really hard.. I don't think i could do it myself,, but if it's for the best i'll try. Maybe this is unthinkable for non-muslim,, but not for them who has this kind of tradition. The process will be your usually your parents will choose someone - getting to know each other (maybe just for a bit) - and then get married... scary huh?
Like usual,, we'll analyze the good and the bad...
The good thing:
- Your family know him/her very well (since it's still your long relatives or your parents best friend's child,, etc).
- When we had fight and argument we tend to solve it because some of us will think again about what happen to our both parents (sounds so selfish right? but i know someone who can survive based on this reason).
- Especially for us muslim,, our intention of married will insya Allah be pure Lillahi ta'ala
- Especially for us muslim,, we don't commit any sins for this process if we do the right way of ta'aruf.
The bad thing:
- You don't know the person really well. But what kind of parents that want their kids marry to someone who's not best for us. (of course we talked about normal case not the one who marrying their children because of money)
- Especially for us muslim,, insya Allah there's nothing bad about this method if we do the right way of ta'aruf.
What you could possibly loss? Okay the worst case scenario if your husband/wife is kinda "wrong" at least you don't have to find out about it for 8 years. Maybe someone said taht you can't force love,, but what's not to love from a caring,, patient,, loving,, and responsible husband or wife. If it's all about beauty,, would you rather choose a beautiful person with "wrong" attitude or the other way around?
*one trivia fact,, you won't get hurt for cannot marry him/her for one or two reason (if you don't have one of course). Especially for us muslim,, Allah has create our other half even before we were born. So when we use the right way insya Allah he/she is the best for us accourding to Allah not us.
So why a lot of people still do the method that qur'an forbid you to do?
ask yourself
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